Is iIt Ever OK to Stop Producing Art?

No recent post because I have not produced anything for awhile. No art in this post just a update as to why nothing new recently with a question at the end that I would love to hear back from you.

Me questioning and thinking, I spend a lot of time in my head!

 
I struggle because I keep reading about how you should keep creating every day even when you are not inspired. It is not a lack of inspiration with me just a sense of overwhelm where I can not figure out how to fit art into the mix.

My normal pattern is to work, work, work on my various community organizing and art business stuff along with juggling finances without adequate resources. Eventually I hit the burn out place where I need to shut down and clear some psychic energy through creating art. Unfortunately right now I can not find my way back to creating art.

I have this vision of lowers filling a crater which came after I heard the growth on my eyelid was benign skin cancer. I felt like this thing on my face had burst forth into an overgrowth which made me think of my wild out of control yard. Even with all the limitations placed on me since the surgery to remove "my overgrowth" I can't make myself sit still and create this piece of art.

Gil "the boyfriend" and I 4 or 5 years ago

Then there is the overgrowth I mentioned in my yard, this is taking up tremendous space in my mind. My housemate/6 year committed relationship is moving to follow his dream of a very late career shift from electrical engineering to lab science  I feel pushed into some tough decisions because even though he told me this was coming I did not make realistic financial plans for survival.

Selling my home means I have to clean out 12 years of overgrowth in "stuff" and deal with the yard of overgrowth.

Yes I can get another roommate and limp along with my leaking roof and foundation until hopefully "he" returns to Portland and we can start a new life together. I am getting clear that it is time to step out and stop the $ bleeding of an old house from my former life when I had a good paying job. I love the familiarity of my home but I can not afford it and am hoping for enough equity to downsize into an artist loft http://milepost5.net/lofts/photos/. What a huge change that has to happen ASAP.

It is also time to stop waiting for the relationship to provide a stabilizing presence "he" lives a life where a house and family have never been his priority. I have watched so many others work through these really difficult transitions and have been here before but somehow it has me paralyzed right now. 

How do people work and function when they are having health complications and major loss all at once? I know artist are suppose to take the pain and chaos and transform through artistic expression but that has never been my intent. I think it often happens with us intuitive artist yet art as therapy usually takes distance and time for reflection with me.

Action always makes me feel less stuck so maybe after writing this or meeting with my friends for brainstorming an action planning enough space will be cleared for art to come back.

I really am curious how do others process through the hard times and stay on track? 

Art and Culture, a Tightrope

Ancestry 2012 a native inspired work possibly my mother's favorite piece of my art with a bear skin - thunderbird - feather on a pumpkin orange backgrounds 

This is a hard post for me to write and it has been floating around in my head for over a month now. 

Often it is so easy as humans to decide what is right and what is wrong. As artist we are often expected to push the boundaries, explore and find ourselves. But what happens when an artist finds themselves somewhere that has been deemed wrong by ourselves or others?

When it comes to appropriating art from other culture there are differing ideas on what counts as appropriation and what is right and wrong. I love the easy answers in life and would be happy to share them on this one but I am still trying to figure it out. 

Created fall 2012  I never even named this beyond May 2013 because I did not think of it as art, just an image for Vesak

I stumbled into this controversy when making calendars and trying to be inclusive of multicultural holidays. I remember a Thai friend looking at this Vesak http://www.buddhanet.net/vesak.htm piece and asking some questions but I got the distinct feeling that I had done something wrong. I had read about Vesak and looked at images to get inspiration and I had tried to make my piece look like I was staying in my style of intellectual artistic exploration and intuition. I use to think of myself as kind of an artistic sociologist/anthropologist, constantly learning and exploring.

The pieces of art that always made me afraid to share were the ones with native themes. Although my grandfather, great uncle and great grandfather were connected to their Navajo community I was raised away from my roots. No one taught me the way to follow the traditions, the stories or how to make art. I refused to use Thanksgiving imagery as my November calendar art and was hoping to make a statement with my native inspired images. 

Still I felt guilty for the images I used because I felt no rights to something I only understood intellectually. This is why I call the relationship between art and culture a Tight Rope.

Fall 2013 NGUZO SABA (The 7 Principles of Kwanzaa) I wanted to make a Kwanzaa piece that reflected my growing dedication to displaying multi-ethnic families and the diversity of connections within communities.

I was thrown when I had managed to get my first coffee shop display in January and February and I was asked to take it down early for "real black art". I was actually OK with taking my art down early as a calendar artist who recognized the significance of Black History month. I felt struck in the gut by the words it felt like I was being told I had done something wrong by creating my art. My Kwanzza piece above is based off of folks I have known and and my love of how many Portlanders make Kwanzza a big party. So this art felt very "real" to me and I acknowledge that I am only connected to the African American community through various relationships through out my life. 

More painful and confusing for me was thinking I was possibly being judged as selfish, ignorant or arrogant for taking space in February. Originally I was so excited for the opportunity that I did not think about the months. I just wanted a chance to get my unique works into the world. 

Because of my nature of questioning myself I went straight into feeling conflicted. I wanted to support Black History Month but I did not want to admit to doing something wrong by taking space with my art which was not just about my cultural experience. I of course gave the last week over but never talked about how painful the experience had been for me.

2013 Abulo de mis Suenos (The Grandfather of my Dreams) The new way of my multicultural art has been to rely on the visions that come to me.

I have started feeling more confident about my subject matter since I have been really listening to the paper and paying attention to my visions. I know I come from a highly assimilated to mainstream experience but somehow I also know the visions are part of my connection to my ancestors. Somehow when my art comes from such an intuitive place I just assume it can't be wrong.

2014 Madre Tierra (Earth Mother) A very pregnant native woman sitting in a leaf inspired by a vision

When I see a Japanese woman who is a butterfly in a kimono I don't worry I just create.

2013 M. Butterfly bridging east with west and the old tradition of Kabuki with the more modern opera of M. Butterfly.

I don't know the rights or wrongs of creating art outside of your cultural experience but I think it is something to think about. I would be curious to know your thoughts.

Script from my performance at the Disability Pride Festival

As part of the blog you are missing my hand gestures, off script moments and tone with inflections. If it seems kinda familiar that is because my recent post on feeling color inspired this performance piece.

"I would like to start by sharing that I am a visual artist and create paper collages. I use brightly colored paper and multi ethnic skin tones for my art. Big chunks of vibrant often contrasting colors appeal to me as an artist with low vision.


Recently I was thinking about describing my art to someone who has never had any sight. I started questioning how do I describe color in non visual terms and started thinking of all the sensations and experiences I associate with colors. So here are some of my non visual descriptions of color if you are sighted and do not need your vision for communication please feel free to shut your eyes to let the descriptions wash over you. For those of you who keep your eyes open there will be images of the colors described on the screen.


Orange – this orange is rich, warm and soft as if iT could melt in your mouth dripping down your throat with hints of ginger and nutmeg. It is not a thin liquid but thick and creamy creeping in to fill the crevices with warmth 

 


Yellow – bright yellow is exciting and unexpected it fills the space and makes you pay attention. Kinda like when you are sitting in the sun and the heat on the part of you hair almost gets too hot. You just can't ignore that sun because this yellow is in your face saying pay attention to me.

Purple – purple is dramatic it can seem soft like the beginning of lots of classical music with the instruments building into something exciting. Then the music engulfs you and climbs into your soul. Like music sometimes it is more cheerful and other times like this one it is kinda somber and almost foreboding.

Dark blue – is cold and strong it fills the space and has crisp lines around the edges. It is shocking but once you are over the initial plunge it is invigorating if your up for it. Definitely not a color for the faint of heart. Just imagine sticking your hand under a cold faucet in the morning when you thought the water had time to warm up.

Light blue – is the smell of the salt from the ocean, kinda muddled and not distinct but definitely there. With the breeze that is both warm and chilled as you walk along the shore and can hear the faint squawk of seagulls in the distance. It makes you wrap your windbreaker around you and feel thankful for such beauty.

Bright orange – this is akin to yellow, it want you attention and will walk up and bonk you on the forehead because it is a diva. This is the party in a tropical paradise loud and crowded but oh so fun!

These are the colors used in my piece El mensajero del gran espiritu (messenger from the great spirit).


The story behind this piece is that in a vision my half native (Navajo and Ute) grandfather who I never met came to me and whispered in my ear. He said “you are a messenger” then he released me as a blue bird into the vast mesas of New Mexico.


This piece of art is a deep orange circle with the warm ginger and nutmeg dripping down your throat. There are two purple mesas, rock formations placed over the orange on the bottom of the piece, one is slightly warmer like classical Latin music and the other is a little darker and maybe a Russian piece. They are both dramatic building intensity with their steps and ledges climbing. Centered between the mesas is part of a circle of yellow screaming for attention with the sun drawing the eye to it. Above this is a blue bird with wings spread soaring on the air. The bird is crisp, cold and strong cutting through the warm orange. She has light blue accents of rings around her neck plus tail, outlines at the tip of her wings and droplets on her feathers. The accents add a soft beauty of moments walking in a warm wrap on a cool afternoon. And pointed out from the bird into the heavens there is a bright orange beak ready for the party to start and bringing the paajito (bluebird) forward to share her message.

Please join us and open your eyes if you shut them for this piece.

Happy Mother's Day! Follow up to last post

Abuela Maria Emilia (grandmother Maria Emilia) - Image of a young woman with red hair dancing in the center of a green circle covered with bright pink and hot pink roses

In my last post I promised my mother an image based on a vision I had of her mother so here it is.

I never knew any of my grandparents so my art about them is all based in intuition and stories from my mother's very early childhood memories. In this my grandmother actually merged with my sister as I was creating the work. My mom always said she could see reflections of her mother in my sister with the auburn hair and hazel eyes so I gave my piece orange hair and put it on a green background. I think my grandmother's eyes were green but I am just working from the place of the unknown. Also I remember a story o my grandmother dancing and when I told mom about this piece she shared a story of her mother dancing in the Tierra Amarilla Catina.

As artist I suspect many people work from the unknown. Sometimes we are working to express what we can't explain and other times we are trying to create an authentic voice to connect with others. I know for me I often can give verbal pr written explanations of my art but they are fairly incomplete. It is so hard to put into words what comes through visions and waking dreams.

Nurturing the Flower - A woman in a white dress standing in front of a man in jeans, a t-shirt and a cowboy hat. The couple is framed by 2 arching vines creating a green heart with flowers and leaves. There are als knee level flower at their feet.

The interesting thing is often times other people will see what is under the surface and can sometimes give the words to what elude me. I created this one piece after reading an e-mail about a friends gender affirmation surgery. All these people who knew none of the history commented on how the people were blending into each other and the woman's hair turned into the man's mustache. I did not have to say this is about gender identity and transitioning, many people just knew on an intuitive level.

Digging deep and staying open as an artist seems to bring about work that resonates with the people it is meant to touch. 

Mother's Day e-mail to my mom ila

Happy Mother's Day - 2013 family portrait image was a gift for my mom

Things are still crazy here but I have been thinking a lot about you and mothering. I just sold the Happy Mother's Day piece from the 2014 calendar on April 26th to my friend Hector but there was someone else who really wanted it also. I think it is the beautiful sensuous nature of that lush piece that attracted the attention. My intent was to convey you as the beautiful sensuous woman I knew you to be. I have this friend involved in the bellydance community who said her husband believes until a woman has given birth she does not reach her full potential. Somehow this is what I was trying to portray.

I have recently created a motherhood series and I am clear that women will always dominate my art and you will be repeated through out my work I suspect. In the Roots piece with the tree even though the women in my vision were clearly from India I was really reflecting on the strong roots you had provided. Madre Tierra (Earth Mother) the very pregnant woman is my vision of an earth mother which I based loosely on my visions of the pregnant woman I suspect you wanted to be. Kinda like my grandfather in El Abuelo de mi Suenos (The Grandfather of My Dreams) was from my waking dreams/visions this is the you of my dreams. I recently had a vision of your mother which I hope to have done by Mother's Day so I can send you the image as your gift.

Madre Tierra (Earth Mother) Very pregnant native woman sitting in a leaf in the middle of the earth's beauty

El Abuelo de mi Suenos (The Grandfater of my Dreams) I never knew my grandfather but he came to me in a vision and this piece was born

Que tu camino te lleve a tudestino,
May your path take you where you need to go.
Lavaun

...I must apologize to my mom for taking this personal correspondence and putting it out to the world. I just wanted to share with the world how beautiful my mother is in my eyes and how her beauty and the gifts she has shared with me inspire my desire to create sensual, strong women of all colors. 

The motherhood pieces along with much more will be on display through out the month of May at In Other Words Feminist Community Center here in Portland Oregon NE Killingsworth and Williams http://inotherwords.org/. 

Saturday May 10th there will be an artist reception from 3 - 5pm with music, nibbles and a brief Q & A about the art.

Art, Cataracts and Tulips

Autumnal Equinox shadow art by Lavaun

Many years ago in the spring time I had cataract surgery. I had no clue how much vision I had lost because things just slowly went fuzzy which became my normal. I went for a walk within a few days of the surgery and came upon a red tulip with some yellow at the base of the petals and the black stamen in the center.

Spring Moon (vibrant tulips) by Lavaun

It was like unexpected fireworks to my eye. I had forgotten what colors really looked like! Dang this was amazing! It made me smile and I came home to call everyone and tell them of this revelation. Some times the familiar needs to be looked at with new sight and if sight is not a possibility for you, ask for or create a new descriptive narrative. 

Out of the Box Garden  by Lavaun

I believe that part of the gift artist offer is new sight, a different narratives and an external vessels for emotional connections. As art lovers we get to choose which artist reach in and touch us with their work. Luckily there are such diverse offerings coming from the art world I think everyone can find a fit. Even if it means shifting from visual arts to music, poetry, dance or something else.

What I create is so different than what I have collected and maybe this is because bringing in other peoples work does give me new sight as an artist.

Raul DelRio is one of my long time favorites
http://delrioproductions.com/



I also love mara berendt friedman
http://www.newmoonvisions.com/


I am so happy to share these artist with you and just like I called everyone about the tulip I am asking you to share what brings new sight to you!

Have You Ever Felt a Color?

If you just want to read about feeling colors skip to the next art piece and read from there. If you have read this blog before and want to know more about my absents read on from here.

it's me (Lavaun) and I'm back trying to blog again.  I ran into some complications last time because I was trying to make things more perfect them was realistic for me. I know I have some problems with writing in both my organizational and grammar skills I heard back from someone you have to get things edited before you put them out to the public. I wanted to post I wanted to share but It just became way too complicated and I have a tendency to give up sometimes when writing gets too hard which is common for people like myself diagnosed with written expression disorder.

Recently I decided that I need to make a choice, to write and post imperfectly or try and get my post perfect through outside editing etc. and never actually get it done.

As an artist I do want to share some of the stories and influences behind my art which will give some depth and complexity to what you see on paper. I am hoping that this will be of value to someone and if sometime I share intrigues or interest it will be taken as an invite to start a conversation.
 
I'm going to go ahead and speak with my authentic written voice which means that the grammar won't be perfect, the spelling may be kind of interesting at times, and I will leave out essential words occasionally. I will be using voice recognition technology and probably doing some alternatives to writing such as video to keep things going. If you're really squeamish about perfect writing please feel free to try a different blog. Also feel free to ask for clarification when something doesn't make sense. In the future sometime I will blog on my theories about the arts and learning disabilities.

So here something that I have been thinking about and wanted to share in my first new post.


I've been thinking a lot about vision and art which is of interest for me because that's where I started my journey as a professionalism artist. Originally I wanted to create art pieces for blind people to touch and feel. I liked the sharp and softer outlines of the cut paper I use because of my own limited vision. What I found is there are a lot of people interested in touching the art and even if they don't touch it many are interested in seeing the tactile nature of my paper collage.


I decided I want to go one step farther and put colors into a feeling color chart. I was thinking how exciting it might be for people who can't see to have an idea of what a color is like other than just someone describing the visual nature of colors.

• Turquoise, turquoise is like when you stick your toe into a cool pond or a swimming pool and that vibrant excitement the tingling that happens entering into the cool but not cold water.
  
• Yellow, yellow is like sunshine on your forehead which just radiates through your body and warms you. It is intense but not overwhelming which just makes you feel good and alive all over.
  
• White, white is like “nothing” a cold nothing, that is absent of stimulus but full of anticipation because at any second electricity could hit and there would be vibrancy.
  
• Black, black is also nothing but it is stillness full of non movement, nothing is going to happen it is just total quiet.
  
• Baby Blue, baby blue is like a spring afternoon when once again everything is still, soft and comforting. With baby blue there is a little bit of an edge because you're still coming back from the cold of winter.
  
• Dark Blue, dark blue is like putting your hand under the cold water from the sink the sense of sharpness you feel as it wraps around your fingers with it touch.
  
• Pink, pink is like taking a flower and gently running across your cheek soft, alive and incredibly fragile beneath your touch
  
• Green, green is strong and lively full of energy you can feel flowing. It engages you in a dance where the music just runs through you.
  
• Brown, brown is firm with just a little warmth kinda like putting your hand on something that recently came out of the dryer. Brown is full of texture and variation that creates an odd comfort.

I know I've left out a lot of colors and maybe I left out your favorite but this is just where my brain went I may do a follow up post with other colors. I love the colors I work with as an artist and thought this is a good place to start in giving my colors an even deeper meaning. I hope this might inspire you to think about your response to colors in art with your own personal meanings. Come on over and visit my Facebook page to check out the vibrant art I'm creating to share these colors with you https://www.facebook.com/LCHeasterDesigns.